Monday, November 29, 2010

Autobiographical Sketch: Barf?

Okay, so I had to write an autobiographical sketch for the folklore project I just finished (more to come on that later). It is kind of crazy and all over the place, but I think that's fitting.

The "barf" in the title was because as much as I like writing about myself, I doubt anyone really likes reading about me. So, if you get a few sentences in and literally want to barf, just know I understand. And you can stop. Really. I won't ever know.

With that intro, I'm sure you're all kinds of excited to read this post now. So... Enjoy!

Autobiographical Sketch
How does one write one’s own story? I suppose I have to start somewhere, so I will start at the very beginning (which is a very good place to start). For the record, that was a Sound of Music reference, and I am a big fan of all musicals. However, I don’t think I was born loving musicals, so I am getting a little ahead of myself. As you can see, I’m kind of all over the place. But I really am going to (try and) start at the beginning.


I was born in Boise, Idaho to David and Jana Borgholthaus. I was the first child, grandchild (both sides), AND niece. Thus, you might say, I was kind of the favorite baby for a while. So, I grew up with a lot of attention, which might have made me into a kind of attention-hog. However, I was painfully shy most of my growing up years. I don’t really remember much before the age of 10, but my mom tells me I was a pretty well-behaved child. I saw my family grow into a total of 7 people; with three brothers and one sister. My brothers and I always got along really well. My youngest brother is 15 years younger than I, and has always kind of been my “baby.” My sister and I had some rough times when we were teenagers, but we are now really good friends. It’s hard to describe my family... I guess the only thing that comes to mind is that we have a lot of personality. Not one of us is alike, and not one of us is boring. My brother Reed is really quiet but extremely clever and fun to be around; my sister Lauren is really sassy and always ready to give her opinion; my brother Drew is a charmer and always knows exactly the right thing to say; and my youngest brother Bradlee is super smart and always surprising us with his creativity. My mom is very bubbly and loves talking to people; my dad is a hard worker and just downright goofy. As for me, I suppose my family would describe me as really smart and (they would probably lower their eyes, and say this next word as if it were a curse word) a liberal.


Quite frankly, I don’t think I would call myself a liberal. I don’t think I wouldn’t call myself a liberal either. It depends on what you’re talking about. Should we be liberal with our love and inclusive of all people, no matter if we agree on everything or not? Yes. Should we be liberal with our goods and help those around us who are less fortunate than us? Yes. Should we be liberal with the time we spend trying to make the world a better place? Yes. Should we be liberal with the judgments we make about other people (as in, give them the benefit of the doubt...)? Yes.

I don’t like saying I’m “liberal” or “conservative.” It is a very important thing to my family, and I think it drives my dad nuts that I won’t pin myself down as one or the other. I would describe myself as “independent.” I think that’s a good word to describe me all around, not just my political views.

I realize this sketch is not really going in chronological order, but I think I left off somewhere around 10 years old and being painfully shy. Well, the shyness continued throughout high school, where I had very few close friends; though I was generally liked by everyone I knew. No one had any real reason to not like me, and that’s how I liked it. I always focused a lot on my studies, and being a super student defined me quite a bit in high school.


Until I got to BYU. Turns out everyone at BYU was a super student. I signed up as a biology major, bent on going to medical school and becoming a doctor. Looking back, I’m not sure why I decided on that career. Probably because it sounded prestigious. Probably because it sounded like a challenge (and boy do I love a challenge). Probably because I felt like there weren’t a lot of female doctors (especially in the LDS culture, which I come from) and it would be kind of cool to break the mold.

Well, I struggled through endless science classes in pursuit of my goal. I continued to break out of my shell in college as I was forced to make new friends and was put in more social situations. I took a break from school to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Fort Worth Texas. I learned Spanish, and I had the time of my life. I had some of the most trying times of my life, but also some of the most rewarding times of my life. I grew so much on my mission, and I think it was then that I really found out who I was, and embraced that person (good and bad).


Thus, I feel like I was completely changed when I got back from my mission. My mind was more open to new possibilities, and I was more willing to voice what I thought about things. I decided I wanted to do something I was passionate about, and science and medicine was just not included in that. I turned back to the humanities, which had always had a warm place in my heart. I had always been a writer, but had kind of given it up in college as a not-so-promising career choice. Well, I decided to follow my passion and pursue what I thought was my calling in life. I changed my major to English, and had no idea where it would lead me. But I knew I would love every second.

And I have. I have learned so much studying the humanities and seeing the beauty that is in the world. I am extremely idealistic and have a desire to make the world a better place. I believe a great part of that is understanding the world around us. I feel like over the last few years, my understanding has increased immensely and I have grown so much as a person. Also, my writing skills have greatly improved, and I actually enjoy writing (as long as it’s something I like writing about).

My autobiographical sketch would not be complete without an inclusion of my belief in God. I grew up with a family who was very active in the LDS church, and I have since come to believe and embrace the teachings of the Church and of my Savior Jesus Christ with all my heart. He is a huge part of my life, and I know I wouldn't be who I am today without His help. I know that He is constantly guiding my life, and that He is the great source of love that has been planted in my heart.


So, that’s where I am. I suppose in fifty more years, there will be more to my autobiographical sketch. In a nutshell, I am kind of an eclectic person. I don’t mind being called a hippie or a tree-hugger. But I also shower and do my makeup and can spend hours shopping at the mall. I can discuss literary theory with big words that I don’t even really understand, and then turn around and chit-chat about the latest chick flick. I am what some might call a “feminist” and am all about women’s equal rights, but I can’t wait to be a mom and a housewife, and I LOVE cooking. So, there you go. The rest of my story is yet to be written.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Alzheimer's

I remember you

he's not talking about the time
he forgot where I lived

or the time he forgot
I wasn't my sister

I remember you

he's not talking about my name
or the year i was born

I remember you

means he looks at my face
and remembers
the eyes looking up at him

he remembers that we had
so many sweet moments together

he remembers my smile
he remembers my laugh

he remembers that
he loves me

he doesn't remember why

but he remembers me.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Harry Potter LIVE


There we are, Ashley and I, nestled nicely into our movie theater seats, when he enters the theater.

"Muggles of Theater 7!!" he cries. He is dressed in a black robe that drapes to the floor. "I am here in your theater representing the students of Slytherin. Is there a wizard out there brave enough to face me in a DUEL?" He says, and raises his wand.

SERIOUSLY??!!!! I think. Is this REALLY happening to me? I must be dreaming. Because this is seriously like a dream come true.

"Is there NO ONE?" he cries, continuing to point his wand out towards the audience. Finally, a wizard dressed as a Muggle steps forward.


I actually started videotaping at this point. The video isn't super good, but you can kind of see them dueling. The duel consisted mostly of "petrificus totallus" and "expelliarmus," but there is one point at the end where our wizard friend got creative and used "lumos" on him... apparently blinding him with light? The best part about that spell was that the kid took out his phone and flashed the light in his own face... oh man. Maybe you had to be there. As you can see from the video, the audience was thoroughly enjoying this very surreal performance:

[I couldn't get the video to load on Blogger, so check it out on YouTube]

At the end of this video, they chase each other around the theater and finally give up. I then hear someone in front of me yell out "VOLDEMORT!" and a large man with a long black robe, bald head, and pasty white skin stands up. "Voldemort!" more people begin to yell, and he goes after this young, pretentious wizard. There were some "avada kedavras" exchanged, but don't worry, no one really died.


Then a chant starts to come from behind me. "Hagrid," I hear softly, a few rows back. "Hagrid!" It starts to get louder. "HAGRID, HAGRID, HAGRID!" it echoes as the whole theater begins to chime in. I look back and all of the sudden, a monstrous man in a long brown trenchcoat and bushy hair stands up.


"It's Hagrid!" I turn and exclaim to Ashley, who's just as excited as I am. Hagrid begins to walk towards our little wizard friend, and he just begins to run. There is more chasing around the theater, and, as you might imagine, Hagrid catches up with the wizard and defeats him. I guess You-Know-Who isn't the most powerful one around any MORE!

The wizard, defeated, returns to the front of the theater. "If you wish to find me, I shall be in Theater 9 the rest of the night!" he says and races out the door, but not before the applause begins to roar.

Okay though SERIOUSLY... that might have been better than the movie itself. I love it when crazy stuff like that happens. I was just sitting in a boring movie theater, minding my own business, and BAM I enter the world of Hogwarts. Bless that crazy little wizard man's soul.

P.S. This is my official record for most blog posts written in one month. AND IT'S ONLY THE 20th!!! New realization... more stress=more blogging

P.P.S. The Harry Potter theme music doesn't sound the same when you try to do it with your car horn. Just random information, not speaking from experience or anything...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Provo Post-Grad

So, because I've decided to stay in Provo, I've been thinking about how I'm going to spend my time. Here are some of my ideas:

1. Work in the temple. Now that I will have loads of free-time, I can fit in that 5-hour shift again. And I've never had a more rewarding experience than working in the temple. It's pretty much amazing.

2. Save $$$. This is something I really need to get better at. I actually have a savings account right now that I am not allowed to touch, and I've done a really good job not touching it. I will just need to keep it that way, and let it grow.

3. Photography. Okay, HOW long have I been talking about doing photography? While this may interfere with #2, I am going to get a nice camera and take some gol-darned pictures.

4. Exercise a lot. Okay, anyone who knows me knows that I am addicted to the gym. Now I will have LOTS of time to be there. I plan to get really fit. As in, I want to have abs. It's always been a goal of mine. I guess technically EVERYONE has abs, but I want nice ones. So that I can wear them under my shirt all day. And have the satisfaction of knowing they are there.

5. Write. I will have so much time to practice my writing skills! I will do some freelance writing, and maybe even dabble in poetry or fiction. We shall see. And, of course, I will keep BLOGGING!

6. Look into grad schools & possibly take the GRE. Depending on the program I want, I might not have to take the GRE. I may choose a grad program solely based on that criteria. I'm leaning towards a masters in Communication... possibly Journalism. Or Editing.

7. Become a Yoga instructor. It's official. It's happening. I've just got to decide when, and fork out the money to do it.

8. Do service/volunteer work. I figure I've been in Provo long enough, I might as well do something to give back to the community.

9. Finally take that cake decorating class. You and me Carly... you and me.

10. Start a furniture re-furbishing business. This is in the works. I am actually staring at a rocking chair that I am working on right now. I'm really excited about it.

Well, I can't wait. Hopefully I can squeeze a job in there somewhere, too. Still working on that one.

amor

I was reading through some of my old posts again, as that seems to be what I do for fun now instead of sleeping, and I came across this poem. I still really like it. I think Pastan hits relationships/love right on the head.


love poem
linda pastan

I want to write you
a love poem as headlong
as our creek
after thaw
when we stand
on its dangerous
banks and watch it carry
with it every twig
every dry leaf and branch
in its path
every scruple
when we see it
so swollen
with runoff
that even as we watch
we must grab
each other
and step back
we must grab each
other or
get our shoes
soaked we must
grab each other

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Memory Lane

Okay, so this is the most prolific blog night I've had in a while. I will have you note that this is my THIRD blog post in one day. New record.

This post is a result of me going back and reading some of my old posts. I forgot about some of them... and I just wanted to post some of my favorites. For new followers, and for old followers. Because in the midst of a bunch of crappy blog posts, there are actually a few gems.

Check these out for a good time:

Dumb it down a bit, would you?

My Hollywood Moment

OH Myyyyyy LIFE!!! (aka Texas & Hippie Girl)

Real World and Anna Fantasy World (both constructed) COLLIDE! (aka follow-up to Texas & Hippie Girl)

PCR (No, not Polymerase Chain Reaction)

Why we love MLK (ending hatred one thinker at a time)

Good Hair Day

Our Angelita

Acceptance

My Latin Lover

My Family (aka the sweet video of my parents dancing)

Well, that was fun. Enjoy.

UDS

Ugly Duckling Syndrome:

1. Beautiful people who didn't get pretty until high school or later, and were nice because they were ugly. The niceness carries over through life.

2. A girl who grew up all her life unattractive until high school or college when she then "blossomed" into a really hot girl. Unlike naturally pretty girls though, her self-esteem is pretty low (as it'll almost permanently be for life) but, she has a good heart, personality, and soul because that's all she could afford to have when she was unattractive. Also, any girl with UDS, will go out with any guy cause to her "looks doesn't matter. As long as they have a good sense of humor." As long as they never realize that they're a ten, they'll always be humbled and down to earth.

3. A person who did not develop fully (therefore making them ugly) up until highschool or later and becomes pretty and they are really nice and have low self-esteem.


(these lovely definitions are from my friends at Urban Dictionary)

So, I feel like this post is going to be pretty honest. Number one, I have to admit that for the most of my life, I have felt unattractive. I'm not uncomfortable with that. It's a part of my life. You see your friends having crushes on boys and going through the high school boyfriend dramas and you've never even had a boy so much as look your way twice.

But you get used to it. You find your romantic outlets reading books or watching chick flicks, and you hope that someday you will find someone who thinks you are amazing, no matter what.

I guess it would be cool if I could say that happened.

It hasn't.

But I was watching "Shallow Hal" the other day and the guy on there (George from Seinfeld... I don't remember his name on the movie) was talking about "Ugly Duck Syndrome."

And I was like, I'm pretty sure I have that.

I mean, not like in the "Wow, I am SUPER HOT now" kind of a way, but sometimes I still feel like this girl:


And honestly, it doesn't feel that different from this girl:


I know... super hot, right?

So I guess what I'm saying is that even though I feel more attractive now that I've become more comfortable with myself, I'm still Anna.

Sometimes I do still slip into the whole self-esteem issue, but I think it helps that I've always known I've had intrinsic worth--that my value was never solely based on what I looked like.

I don't really have a solid conclusion that I've come to. Those are just some of my thoughts.

One thing I do think I've realized as I've matured a little is that I don't have to wait for that person who thinks I'm amazing. I already found that person. It's me.

Guess what? I'm amazing. And pretty. And, thank heavens I wasn't a beautiful teenager. I don't think I'd have nearly as much personality now, anyway.

Update: update

I'm staying in Provo.

I had mixed feelings about it.

But I know it's what I'm supposed to do.

And that's all I need to know.

Friday, November 5, 2010

update: nervous breakdown

You know... my motto is usually "change is good!" or "I love change!"

But when it comes down to it, change is always hard. No matter who you are.

I have a lot of changes happening in my life. My life pretty much since high school (which is like a forgotten dream now) has been in Provo. And I love Provo. There are people I love very much in Provo. I have walked through the streets, I have run through the streets! I have had romantic, adventurous, and even heart-breaking episodes in this very same town. I have truly grown into adulthood here.

And so it will be hard to leave. It has been so dear to me.

But it is time.

I was reading an article by Elder Steven E. Snow called "Get On with Our Lives."

Here are some words of wisdom that have touched my heart tonight:

"Most of us do not seek or even welcome dramatic changes. But change is an essential part of life’s experiences."

"Too often we are reluctant to enter the next stage, begin the next challenge. Maybe we are too comfortable, fearful, or lacking in faith. Grandmother’s lap is often more comfortable than the trials of kindergarten. Our parents’ basement, with unlimited video games, may be more appealing than college, marriage, or a career."

Then, his advice for "moving on" and facing these inevitable challenges:

1. Follow the prophets
2. Keep an eternal perspective
3. Have faith
4. Be of good cheer

I'd like to add one more:

5. Be grateful. I truly believe that gratitude is pretty much the antidote for every challenge.

THERE IS SO MUCH GOOD IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure someday I will be grateful for this time, as it always seems like I am when I look back on adversity. Most of all because I can say, "Wow. It was a miracle I made it through that."

And thus I can see miracles wrought in my own life.

No worries, just a mild nervous breakdown going on here.

Do you ever just feel like you need to SCREAM OR YOU'RE GOING TO EXPLODE????!!

Do you ever have days where going through some form of mild torture would be a preferable alternative to getting out of bed?

Do you ever feel like crying but it will take too much effort?

Do you ever feel like if you have one more thing on your plate you will surely drop it along with the ten other balls you are juggling and all of the sudden your life will be one big, splattered, gross mess?

Do you ever feel like answering the question "How are you doing?" with "Horribly, actually. But did you really want to know?"

Do you ever feel alone even when you're surrounded by people... so many people?

Do you ever wish you could banish certain thoughts from your mind because they just WON'T GO AWAAAAYYY???

Do you ever just feel the need to write it all down, because you feel like it's going to ooze out of you one way or the other, and words are the only way you can rid your body, your mind, of the toxins that are infesting them?