God's Army

Okay, so I finally had some inspiration.

I can't take complete credit for it though. I got a letter in the mail today from one of my missionaries. There was a hilarious story in it. That made me think of another hilarious story from another letter... so I'm gonna share them both with you.

Missionary Story #1 (Elder C., South Dakota Rapid City Mission)
At the end of September, my trainer and I had invited a fellow named Jose to church. We met him in front of his apartment at 8:30 (he lived 3 buildings down from us) and were waiting for a ride from a member who also happens to live on our street. My trainer realized that we needed the "Deberes del Sacerdocio" book from the car. It was within sight and sound (I love how he includes this, you know, because I'm his MTC teacher), so I stood there with Jose. I tried to think of something to say, but nothing came. I looked down the street where Elder R was and then back at Jose, who started walking away from me. I looked back at R and when my gaze returned to Jose, he was running down the street! I had no idea what to do... so I just stood there. Jose disappeared around the corner and my companion came back.

"Where is Jose?"

"He ran away."

"What?!"

"He and his cowboy hat ran away and disappeared around the corner!"

"That's when you go running with him, Elder C!"

So yeah, that is the story of Jose who ran away...

Missionary Story #2 (Elder D., Utah Ogden Mission)
I'm sure every mission has their problems with drunks and druggies but Ogden seems to be a special place. And let me tell you something first - everybody knows who you are - member or nonmember. You knock a door and they know you're Mormon and a missionary.

But anyways - these people, as you've probably noticed, are attracted to missionaries. They sniff us out and find us or maybe it's just me. Maybe I smile too much or look approachable. It needs to stop. I'll share a story about this one guy we ran into.

So we were leaving a dinner appointment and started talking to this guy obviously enjoying life a little too much, if you know what I mean. He asks us if we baptize people and we say sure and then he tells us -

"That's good. Because I've already been baptized - in my dreams. I floated over a lake and then dropped and submerged myself."

He tells us he flies a lot in his dreams. I'm sure he does.

He then tells us one time he met the devil in one of his dreams. But like a multicolored devil. Like a rainbow devil. With three faces. Here's what his faces were - the first, the face of a wolf. The second, a monkey. And the third - the third was just a face.

He then explains that the devil bit off his fingers and when he asks, "Hey, what's up devil? Why did you bite off my finger?" the devil says, "Don't worry about it. It's just a dream."


Not as funny as the cheeses one... but still good.