OMGosh maybe I should post something once in a while

Well, it's been a while.

Maybe it's because nothing really changes in my life.

I wake up. I shower. I read my scriptures. I grab a protein bar on the way out the door. I go to work.

I work.

I get off work at 5:00. I eat dinner.

I usually do some kind of physical activity.

Then I have time for one optional activity, such as hanging out with friends, watching a movie (or part of one), blogging, cooking, reading... and then I'm supposed to go to bed at 11 (which I am clearly not doing tonight).

Then I go to bed.

Repeat.

I Never Metaphor I Didn't Like

Sometimes, when I look at the state of the world right now, I worry about our future. I mean, what happens when all our Henry David Thoreaus are playing Call of Duty instead of musing over the complexities of life at Walden Pond? Anyway, when I read these metaphors--real metaphors from real essays submitted by real (whatever that means) high school English teachers--my fears were washed away...

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Halle Berry's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

ThoughtsthoUGHTSTHOUGHTSgetOUTofmybrain

So, life. Life. Life is fun. Life is funny.

I just wrote a bunch of stuff about being grown up, and then I got bored with it. I've heard that to be a good writer, you have to be willing to throw a good majority of your writing out.

This blog is a good example. There are really only a handful of posts that I really love.

My mind goes a million miles per minute. I feel sometimes like writing is the only way to just EMPTY it out. I should be sleeping right now, but it just. won't. stop.

VISION. It's hard. Life right now. Elementary school: next step, junior high. Junior high: next step, high school. High school: next step, college. College: next step, graduation/job. Graduation/job: next step...

wait

Umm

What do I do with my life now? What do I work towards?

I mean sure, there's grad school. Or having babies. Or getting really rich.

It's kind of scary when you don't have a next step. Not scary in a oh-my-gosh-what-am-i-gonna-do-now kind of a way (though it was that kind of scary for a while), but scary in a oh-my-gosh-please-don't-let-me-stop-progressing-and-learning-and-being-an-interesting-person kind of way. It would be easy to just

become

complacent.

So, I'm going to live life fully.

What good is your life

if it doesn't affect anyone else's?

God's Army

Okay, so I finally had some inspiration.

I can't take complete credit for it though. I got a letter in the mail today from one of my missionaries. There was a hilarious story in it. That made me think of another hilarious story from another letter... so I'm gonna share them both with you.

Missionary Story #1 (Elder C., South Dakota Rapid City Mission)
At the end of September, my trainer and I had invited a fellow named Jose to church. We met him in front of his apartment at 8:30 (he lived 3 buildings down from us) and were waiting for a ride from a member who also happens to live on our street. My trainer realized that we needed the "Deberes del Sacerdocio" book from the car. It was within sight and sound (I love how he includes this, you know, because I'm his MTC teacher), so I stood there with Jose. I tried to think of something to say, but nothing came. I looked down the street where Elder R was and then back at Jose, who started walking away from me. I looked back at R and when my gaze returned to Jose, he was running down the street! I had no idea what to do... so I just stood there. Jose disappeared around the corner and my companion came back.

"Where is Jose?"

"He ran away."

"What?!"

"He and his cowboy hat ran away and disappeared around the corner!"

"That's when you go running with him, Elder C!"

So yeah, that is the story of Jose who ran away...

Missionary Story #2 (Elder D., Utah Ogden Mission)
I'm sure every mission has their problems with drunks and druggies but Ogden seems to be a special place. And let me tell you something first - everybody knows who you are - member or nonmember. You knock a door and they know you're Mormon and a missionary.

But anyways - these people, as you've probably noticed, are attracted to missionaries. They sniff us out and find us or maybe it's just me. Maybe I smile too much or look approachable. It needs to stop. I'll share a story about this one guy we ran into.

So we were leaving a dinner appointment and started talking to this guy obviously enjoying life a little too much, if you know what I mean. He asks us if we baptize people and we say sure and then he tells us -

"That's good. Because I've already been baptized - in my dreams. I floated over a lake and then dropped and submerged myself."

He tells us he flies a lot in his dreams. I'm sure he does.

He then tells us one time he met the devil in one of his dreams. But like a multicolored devil. Like a rainbow devil. With three faces. Here's what his faces were - the first, the face of a wolf. The second, a monkey. And the third - the third was just a face.

He then explains that the devil bit off his fingers and when he asks, "Hey, what's up devil? Why did you bite off my finger?" the devil says, "Don't worry about it. It's just a dream."


Not as funny as the cheeses one... but still good.

Writer's block

You know, sometimes I sit down to blog, and I don't really know what I'm going to write about.

But then, it just comes.

I'm thinking that right now would be a good time for it to come.

Yeah.

Any time now.

Confessions

I wear a Hello Kitty onesie to bed.

I sometimes break the ten-second rule. Especially with dessert.

I listen to Justin Bieber. And I like it. Mostly to work out. But still.

I often break into dance in my bedroom while I'm getting ready. Especially if the Black Eyed Peas come up on my playlist. This occurs with varying amounts of clothes on.

I have a skinny mirror. Sometimes I pretend it is the real one, and that the other one is a fat mirror.

Asian stereotypes are some of the few that I still laugh at. I'm working on it.

I once beat all the levels of Sally's Spa on my iPod touch. It's not as easy as it sounds.

I dream of going to Harry Potter Land. I'm seriously considering it as a potential honeymoon spot.

I have a miniature version of la Virgen Guadalupe (Maria) on my keychain. I think she brings me luck.

I have a bigger celebrity crush on Jack Black than Brad Pitt.

I actually like grammar. And balancing chemistry equations.

Guess who's back?

I know, I know.

It's about time.

Well, I'll skip the paragraph-long introduction that includes how SORRY I am for not writing in so long and how I really should have been posting more regularly and just how bad I feel... (well, I tried)

Anyway, I have started a new job!! Hurrah!!! I am so excited, that I am going to turn this blog post into a list. Who doesn't love lists?

Things that I like about being a full-time BYU employee that I never really thought about before:
1. Really cool BYU wardrobe. I know. I'm even excited about going to the mall and buying khaki pants. Who knew.


2. Lunch breaks. I don't know if y'all knew this, but it usually takes less than an hour to eat lunch. That means I get to eat lunch and sometimes even sneak in a nap. Or an episode of 30 Rock.

3. Parking in faculty/staff parking. I have been tortured by FOUR LONG YEARS by the "A" parking lots. I never thought the day would come where I could station my very own 1997 Isuzu Rodeo with the squeaky fan belt among such an elite fleet of employee cars. I will admit, I was still a little scared the first few days. Despite my scarred past with BYU Parking, however, I have been able to overcome my fears and fully embrace my parking privileges.

4. Benefits. Need I say more? Before this job, I thought a 401(k) was some kind of marathon or something.

5. My very own desk. And computer. With a password. I can put my post-it notes wherever I want. And I don't have to worry about some other random employee putting a weird cat background on my computer.

6. Being in Provo. I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I am really really trying to be positive, promise. Though it has been a challenge, three things have made living in Provo still bearable: cheap housing costs, great friends, and proximity to Idaho (not necessarily in that order). There are definitely worse places to live.

7. Last, but not least, NO HOMEWORK!!!! Granted, this also means less Facebook and blogging time. I know you're thinking that doesn't really make sense, but let me explain. As I have begun this full-time job, I have noticed a significant decrease in both my Facebook and blogging activity. Why? Because I don't need to distract myself from doing homework! Hahaha. I'm not too worried about the Facebook thing, but I'll get back on the wagon with blogging. Because I really do love it.